My Computers Are All Broken

Software’s focus on world-dominance has crossed with my incessant tinkering to result in a computing environment that is failing me utterly.

I’ve tried everything, and it still doesn’t work.

My first computer was from basically the worst era Apple has ever produced, starting with MacOs 7.6.1 and finally quitting around MacOs 9, switching to BeOS. While I was using these for fun, I was learning Solaris (and AIX, and HP-UX, and FreeBSD, and Debian) for work. I know some are frustrated that the Mac has lost its spacial finder, but I’m frustrated when I have to touch my mouse, because I spent years in a fine-tuned X-Windows interface that allowed me to do essentially everything from the keyboard. It was only marginally graphical; all of the windows except the browser were different kinds of text interfaces, from the terminal to vim to irc. I controlled everything with a Sun Type V keyboard, which relegated the caps lock and backslash keys to some far away corner like God intended, and gave prominence to control, escape, and delete, which matter quite a bit more. I honestly have no idea what mouse I used for the first ten or fifteen years; I don’t normally care about them, so I don’t normally notice them.

As I gradually switched from a sysadmin-turned-developer to a CEO, my computing needs changed dramatically. I spent all my life in email, calendar, and chat rooms, instead of text windows (notice they’re all still text, though). I did not even have a desktop computer for years, because a laptop was a better compromise.

As the iPad got more powerful, though, and Apple’s iMac computers turned from lickable toys into their most powerful computers, I moved most of my computing from laptops up to desktops or down to tablets. For a little while, all was fine, because I still wasn’t spending much time on the computer — as a CEO, most of my time was spent directly communicating with people, either in meetings or via email and chat. Being present means not being on your stupid devices. That was my computing experience.

Once I left my CEO role, I shrugged. I changed a few things (started writing in Ulysses, for example) but basically kept the tools and practices I had.

It’s become clear now that I have a solid decade of debt that’s built up in how I use my computers.

I really hate it.

Some of it is obviously just bugs. Or something. The keyboard (a KÜL tenkeyless with some kind of Cherry MX switches) and mouse (some large Logitech thing) just don’t work most of the time. The keyboard has to be unplugged and plugged back in 90% of the time the computer goes to sleep, and the mouse icon just does not seem to care about my needs, even after swapping mice, mousing platforms, hair shirts, and everything else I can think of (turns out that moving the mouse’s wireless adapter from a USB hub to the desktop might have fixed the mouse).

Beyond that, the software is out to get me.

Am I seriously the only person in the world who cares about keyboard focus?

I just deleted an email in Apple’s Mail.app on my desktop (running the latest os and patches, but this problem has persisted for as long as I’ve used the app), and I literally have no idea where the focus went. I hit delete, the email goes away; I hit delete again, and literally nothing happens. An email is highlighted, but, oh, I see, it’s a gray highlight instead of a blue one. I click on it, now it’s blue, and suddenly delete works.

I have essentially the same problem on my iPad (which I work on at least as much as my desktop). My only feature request for the iPad is to make keyboard focus predictable and functional. You can be scrolling through emails with the arrow key, and suddenly it will just stop working. Delete an email, no idea where focus is. I don’t even know how to tell where the focus is.

I’m in this insane world where I can feel utterly defeated by the need to click on an email to delete it, but if I zoom out, just about every other part of my computing experience causes similar frustration. I’m apparently the only person in the world who has quality studio monitors on my desk, based on how much everyone is freaking out over the HomePod price. I have separate audio installations in 7 parts of my house, and the HomePod in my bathroom is the cheapest one, beating the thirty year old (purchased used, recently) NAD and M&K kit in my bedroom by about $100. Nothing can cause you to lose hope that your needs will be met like the entire internet agreeing your needs don’t exist.

I don’t consider myself an audiophile, but I know enough to know that decent speakers start arriving at around $300 (each, not a pair), rather than topping out there. I never bought into Sonos because that required my believing they could deliver a good speaker, amplifier, and software experience for the price of a single decent speaker. Oh, and I had to join their walled garden; I’m willing to consider that, but it’s got to be worth it, and it never was for them.

So now most rooms in my house have audio streamed to them from an unsupported device that is going to become obsolete any day now.

Getting back to computers, it just could not be more clear to me that I’m in the shitty middle ground of the computer world.

I’m not a specialist any more. When I was a sysadmin, I was a specialist and I could build my computing environment to match that. (Although good luck finding specialized sysadmin hardware these days.) When I was a developer, I was a specialist, and my computing showed it.

Now I do what everyone else does: I email, browse, handle my calendar, chat a bit. My writing is a touch specialist, but not really; I’m using a specialist tool that’s great for writing books, but I’m just producing blog posts instead.

Even though I’m not a specialist, I’m still weird. I know that I’m using all of my tools differently than most of you are. I know we all think we’re special, but I’ve been around enough to know I am. Not in a good way, just in a “why are you doing that?” way.

Take my calendar. I’ve now twice written tools to tell me whether I’m meeting my goals in terms of how I spend my time. Sure, you have some sort of tomato timer to remind you to stand up or something. Amateur. My calendar should be a statement of my priorities, of how I will and do spend my time, and I want to hold myself accountable to my goals. I appear to be the only person who wants this, based on the searching I’ve done. Thankfully Google Calendar has APIs available, but why should I have to write this?

I have tried every email client I can find, but they’re all written for someone else. They all seem to offer, “How can I help you do email without email?” I don’t want that. I want the vim of email clients. I want the Photoshop of email clients. Can you imagine telling a graphic designer that you want to help them make graphics without making graphics? It’s stupid. They’re designers. They design graphics. I’m a communicator. I communicate. I read and write. A lot. Make a client that’s better for that. But nope. Instead you have the modern equivalent of a lickable interface that still can’t do inline reply and only has 5 keyboard shortcuts. BZZZTDELETED!

Some of it is just stupid. I have LED strips mounted to the back of my monitor, so I can get ambient lighting while I work. It’s actually an awesome feature, and I totally recommend it, but it’s a bit of a mess of wires with a ridiculous interface (a switch that keeps falling off my desk). I get not everyone has their monitor against a wall, but this seems so great it should ship by default. Can I just get all the LEDs you want in my keyboard moved back there? And, of course, I want it all connected to the computer so I can control it via software. Instead I’m wiring it all together myself and hoping 12V can’t catch my desk on fire. Yay.

I wish it was just that I’m a curmudgeon, that I can’t give up the old ways, but the truth is I like my iPad more than any other computing device I’ve ever owned, and honestly, I always hated the old ways. I’ve been hating software for as long as I’ve used it, and I’m proud I’ve been able to keep my edge as my career and the world it’s in has changed. I hated X-Windows. I really, really hated MacOS. I loved BeOS, but honestly, I held it to a very low standard. I loved every part of Solaris except the parts that actually existed or that I ever used, and I quit using it just when it stopped sucking quite so much (god, remember having to use Veritas to get decent clustering? Even worse, remember Disksuite?).

So it’s not that I miss the old days. I want to live in a different universe. I want a different physics model for our software world.

I know I can’t have it. I know I won’t get there.

But I’m an optimist. I’ll keep fighting.